Lost Memory
by luvless
Summary: If u were given one more chance to love someone again would u cherish it or be prepared to lose it again.
1. End?

She lay there loneliness creeping to her,he blamed her on the things she never said about the truth that lay on her the scars she had before she knew him.   
  
she tried to make him hear her out to feel the pain she had suffered.She begged him to listen the depseration in her eyes showed the pain,   
  
his heart ached but he refused to give in.  
  
Slowly he turned and walked towards his room his face hid away in the darkness of the corridor. She did not want to stay. But she could not all she had left was him , life had taken away everything from her, she had to stay by this love she had she could not faint she had to hold on.  
  
Her happiness lost because of him , how could he turn his back on her without   
  
knowing the truth. He had no right to ignore her, time had not and could not   
  
heal the pain new and old that she had suffered.  
  
Her whole world crash before her " I did it for a reason Draco" she called out , hoping he would hear her..what she did was senseless she should have told him , he loved her so much he would have not left like this , she hated herself. She knew he would still try his best to stick by her ...   
  
There she lay in the infirmatry tears poured down her pale cheeks, shuddring gasp after shuddering gasp , she could not breathe,   
  
She picked herself up slowly and walked to the door , she wanted to chase after him but she was   
  
too weak. " No..No.." she muttered to herself.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
Draco slowly walked out if the infirmatry. How could she not tell him all this things...  
  
He heard her call helplessly out to him, he stopped as he heard the door open, he turned his head to   
  
see Hermione slowly stumble her way out taking each step as it came. 'Hermione' his mind gently called out   
  
to him , his heart ached as he saw her. Her tears pouring down her face.  
  
He had left the one he was looking to find.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________  
  
Thats night Herminone lay in her bed, crying as she thought of what he had said earlier,   
  
choking on her tears, she needed to breathe , she told herself ,she missed the nights where   
  
Draco laid next to her and held her close to him and kept her warm , her dreams she had , but now   
  
there was no more , he was no there with her anymore. She couldn't sleep she needed him by her side  
  
_________________________________________________________________________  
  
As Draco crept into bed he thought of what he had said they were true yet they had hurt so much. He felt the hurt as he said them. His heart pumped fast as he worridly thought of Hermoine or how she was right now. He hated himself he needed her back in his life it was all he was breathing for yet his pride got the best of him. His thoughts flooded him.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________  
  
Hermione and Draco their love story had came to and abrupt stop. Both hearts shattered yet unfelt or heard by anyone. No one saw the tears they cried.  
  
No one knew that Draco had made the biggest mistake in his life. Hermione was dying……………for him , because of him.  
  
_____________________________________________________________________________  
  
She waoke the next morning, the sun's rays poured through the glassy windows of Hogwarts.   
  
Days passed he refused to see her call her name. What they had, was all gone now, she never doubted his love why did he   
  
doubt hers.   
  
Harry and Ron had both left after their victorious war, she had agreed to stay on to assist the professors. Her new found brother Jayden had died in the war.  
  
Draco, she stopped thinking . Tears began to well up in her eyes. She knew she had no time to make him love her again but all she could do was try.   
  
She was dying , she was under a curse, the more she loved the deeper the curse engraved itself into her. Being overwhelmed with emotions for him she knew she would die it was sooner or later. With all the time and energy she had left she was going to use it all on him , hoping atleast he would be pleased. There was a cure a memory spell would remove all the times she had with him, all the love and emotions , the pain and sadness , she would live for very much longer. But she wanted to remember it all till the she died.  
  
"Miss Granger , take this dear, it will take your mind of things for while," urged Mdm Profrey as she handed her a little bottle with a weird looking crimson liquid, it reminded her of the blood she had seen on the fields during the bottle, the fateful day flashed through her head , she negatively shook her head slightly and dropped the bottle. She fell down into her bed , her hands on her ears blocking out all the screams of anguish she heard in there. Tears poured down her cheeks not intending to stop soon . She saw a flash of green light hit Jayden as he fell defeated to the ground.   
  
"No..no..Jayden" she screamed. Her body shaking with great sobs.   
  
"O dear, Miss Granger , lie down , you know you are in no condition to go on like this please do consider the memory charm option..please..it might be your only chance if survival" ushered someone, her voice stern but gentle..it muttered a few words and Hermione's heartbeat started to lighten.  
  
"NO! i don't want to" she muttere "i want to remember him, i love him so much,.."  
  
"But he'll never know will he " Mdm Profrey continued for her,   
  
Hermione brought her knees to her chest and laid there ,"but atleast i will". Slowly she began to drift into another dream.  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
He thought he heard her scream as he walked down the corridor. Turning to his left, he slowly pushed open the door to the infirmatry. He saw Hermione seated on the bed tears falling like the petals of a dying flowere gentle yet irregular. She cried for Jayden and she cried for herself.  
  
"O dear, Miss Granger , lie down , you know you are in no condition to go on like this please do consider the memory charm option..please..it might be your only chance if survival" he heard Mdm Profrey say.  
  
'chance of survival'he thought , what was wrong with her, was she sick , no , not that he knew of ,she was just recovering from a few bruises and cuts.   
  
He never stayed to hear it all, he just started to walk and made his way back to his office.  
  
__________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
He sat at his chair looking through a pile of notes, 'chance of survival?' he pondered that question, nothing came to mind. He decided to ask Mdm Promfrey first thing in the morning.  
  
__________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Next Morning,  
  
*knock knock*  
  
"Come in " the person on the other side answered" Ahh Mr MAlfoy what can i do for you.. don't look like your in need of any potion " she continued.  
  
"i wanted to ask...about Hermione.." he paused " erm..how is she doing "  
  
" Well i guess but she will be staying in the infirmatry for quite awhile." she answered her voice lacking confirmation.  
  
"You sound uncertain" he said.  
  
" I am Mr Malfoy i am.."with this she got up and walked to the door on the side of the room. Slowly she opened the door , just enough to see the frail body of a young girl. Hermione.  
  
" You see, she was put under a curse ,ermm....how do i say this..er..she is not allowed to love ." she answered uncertainly.  
  
He was getting impatient. Hermione was suppose to be getting well not entirely frailing away ,not allowed to love, what did she mean ? " Explain" he questioned further.  
  
"Its a unloving curse you would say ,the more you love the deeper the curse eats in to you killing your very soul u need to live on ..resulting to death, no one has survived it." she let out a huge sigh.  
  
"Is there a cure ..tell me " patience was getting to him like a bullet train.  
  
"There is, a mememory charm and..."she stopped contemplating if she should continue  
  
"and..???"  
  
"Shared memory charm..she would have to share her memory with someone who would be strong enough to undergo all the pain she had suffered..it will be like traveling through her whole life, it will last for 2 days. She will slowly forget all the memories of love she won't remeber what love is...without any love the curse will slowly start to back away , when its gone she can start over, love again maybe or she might never love again it is up to her.." it was long and she let it out in one huge breath.  
  
"What has she said about it " he questioned , relief that there was a chance for her survival.  
  
"She..she refused, she wants to remember you..she says it was better to die than forget about you" she stopped.  
  
"Remember me?"   
  
"Yes she has spent sleepless nights talking to herself and how it was all her fault that everything or anything happened..You really should try and go talk to her." she suggested.  
  
"I will..i will" slowly he stepped out of the room taking a step as it came he walked to her bed ,and pulled a chair for himself to sit on.   
  
He sat there and starred at her, her ryhtmic breathing calmed him. Even with a blanket on, she still shivered as the wind blew in from the outside.  
  
Slowly he brushed strings of hair from her face , she had obviously been crying the path that the tears created were still wet.  
  
  
  
'Wait , what was he doing here, she lied to him why should he care?' his mind played with him, he got up and started towards to the door.  
  
"Draco" he heard Hermione whisper.  
  
He turned around , she was still asleep, but a small smile crept to her face. she let out a huge sigh and fell back into the quiet night.  
  
She looked so helpless, he then realised that leaving her was going to be very hard, he loved her yet hated the way she called him, made him stay in any situation, the way his name seem to roll of her tongue.  
  
He had to convince her to go through with the charm, he was willing to suffer for her. He was also rather curious to know how her life had been without him or atkeast befor she knew him.  
  
That night he sat in the chair and watched Hermione sleep , and how he was going to convince her.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"Don't Cry For Us" ( Justin Case )  
  
It's hard to know just what to do in times like these  
  
It's hard to know just what to say  
  
And I'm just sitting here just asking myself why  
  
It's good to know you feel the same   
  
And I believe  
  
I wanna be your everything  
  
And anything you need.   
  
[Chorus:]  
  
Don't cry for us tonight  
  
Don't cry we'll be all right  
  
If I could I'd be by your side  
  
Don't cry for us   
  
You know that I'd give anything to watch you sleep  
  
I can picture you just lying there  
  
We don't need to say the words  
  
'cause they don't mean a thing  
  
You know you're not alone when someone cares.   
  
And I believe  
  
You are still my anything  
  
And everything I need  
  
[Chorus]  
  
Built of steel, we may seem weak  
  
and rusted  
  
But in times like these we've always won  
  
and trusted  
  
in ourselves   
  
[Chorus x2]  
  
It's hard to know just what to do in times like these  
  
It's hard to know just what to say 


	2. Crimson

Hermione let out a huge sigh as she opened her eyes. The imence light from the sun pierced into her eyes. Her throat felt dry and corse, reaching over she reached for a cup of water.  
  
Taking slow sips. She still felt rather tired and faint, as she was about to place the cup back, a cold rush ran through her body and she dropped it .   
  
'Ugh! I seem to be dropping alot of stuff lately.'she muttered to her self. Slowly she got out of bed to pick the shattered pieces up. She tried to becareful of the sharp edges but none the less she recieved a cut. Crimson liquid began to build and flow out of her finger. She brought her finger to her lips and sucked it.  
  
"You're hurt" she heard someone say, but she just shrugged it of. It sounded so real so filled with concearn, it sounded like a Draco she once knew. But it could not be him, he hated her so much , the words he said that night cut like a knife , every word carving itself on her heart.  
  
She started agian picking up the pieces but this time someone had sat down next to her to help. She pressumed it was Mdm Profrey and found no use to turn around and look.  
  
The voice spoke again, " Hermione , look at me" she turned her head this time to stare into a pair of cold grey eyes. "You're here" she spoke her voice shaking . She was afraid, had he not hurt her enough that night had he come back to continue to torture her? She stood up and took a step back. She began to panick, " i..i just dropped it , i..can handle it ,you should go back." she was almost to tears, she had no idea what to say, what to do, she felt so helpless with him around, he made her feel so weak.  
  
"Hermione , listen to me for awhile" Draco asked as he held her hands roughly, the impact made her drop the glass pieces onto the floor, she starred at them for a momment. " No..look i've got to pick them up again" and she bent down ." Hermione!" this time he raised his voice at her, he grabbed her and pulled her up. Tears began to fall from her tired eyes. "Don't do that to me " her voice lack conviction.   
  
"Mdm Profrey told me " he began.  
  
"Told you what?" she asked as if oblivious.  
  
"You know what i am talking about" out of impatience he raised his voice once more.  
  
"So what, So what if i'm dying , why should you care," she shouted back,her voice lacked energy, the pain was kicking in, her heart beat faster her world slowly started to move in circles around her.  
  
"There's a cure you can pull through it Hermione you could atleast try!" he excalimed, this was not turning out right , it was suppse to be a civilised talk not like this.  
  
"I will not go through with it" she replied she was losing herself." I..I.."she felt her body slowly fall,"don't want to forget." she fell into a pair of strong arms, she felt safe for a momment then but it went quick as it came. She fell into a world of darkness.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	3. Stubborness Anger Love?

That night , she awoke to a room of pure darkness. The light from outside crept in beneth the door. " Why" she muttered to herself as is expecting an answer from the darkness. "Why did you have to do this to me".  
  
"Do what ?" he asked as he mysteriously appeared before her eyes and sat on her bed.  
  
"I told you to go" she replied as she slowly got out of bed. She stood up and began to walk towards the door.   
  
"And you were expecting me to leave?" he questioned .  
  
"On account on how much u hate me , Yes and nows the best time to do it" using all the strength in her she pulled open the heavy door of the infirmatry.  
  
"I'm not going " he replied nochantly as he remained seated on the bed.  
  
"Then I'll go" she spoke not thinking carefully, in her condition, where could she go, she needed Mdm Promrey all the time for her regularly take of potions.  
  
"Hermione please.." he got up and slowly walked towards her. "I know for certain that you hate me right now, but you have to be cured. You have no right to die like this " he patiently tried to convince her.  
  
"Oh and so you have a right to to tell me to live or die, wow the world has certainly changed since i last woke up" she replied sacarsticly, yet tears were brimming at her eyes.  
  
"Don't try and be stubborn and listen for once."he grabbed her hand and turned her around to look at him. Tears fell as she looked into his cold eyes, they sent shivers down her spine. "Why should I..." she realsed herself from his grasps"You never listened to me"and she walked back to her bed.  
  
Draco stood there dumbfounded. He opened his mouth to say something but thought he had better not. He had nothing to say. Once in his life Draco Malfoy was lost for words. He did not bother to go to her , he just whispered "I'll come back" and made his way out.  
  
She lied quietly in bed and cried herself to bed. She didn't want him to come back. There was no way that he would convince her to be cure. Why did Mdm Profrey tell him, what was the whole point in that, NOTHING. She didn't want to gain his love and pity just because of her "condition". And if she did get cured she would probably not even know what love was or how it felt. She didn't want to forget that feeling, the way love made her heart feel warm or made her feel safe. It was not worth it ....absolutely not.  
  
__________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	4. Malfoy down on his knees

Draco woke up in his cold dungon room the next day. The air was cold and still. It seem to difficult to even breathe.  
  
*Flash Back*  
  
"Oh and so you have a right to to tell me to live or die, wow the world has certainly changed since i last woke up" she replied sacarsticly, yet tears were brimming at her eyes.  
  
"Don't try and be stubborn and listen for once."he grabbed her hand and turned her around to look at him. Tears fell as she looked into his cold eyes, they sent shivers down her spine. "Why should I..." she realsed herself from his grasps"You never listened to me"and she walked back to her bed.  
  
* Back to Reality *  
  
He didn't know why, when she said those words, he was speechless. There was know answer to that one simple quetion. He sat in bed for what seemed like eternity, thinking, thinking very hard. It was true, he never gave her even the slighttess chance of explanation. He was just so angry that night that..he didn't know why.  
  
He got up, took a bath and heaed towards the Infirmatry.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
" I..I..." Hermione whispered in her sleep.   
  
* Dream*  
  
"You will die Granger....don't fight it , You will die" came a cold voice that echoed in the woods  
  
"I...I..will die.........it no use forgetting." she replied solemly.  
  
"Yes..Yes...thats right, he dosen't even love you......he feels so... guilty." snickered the voice  
  
She fell back to "sleep" almost immediately with the haunting voice in her ear.  
  
*Reality*  
  
"Hermione..Hermione , time to wake up" whispered Draco as he gently shook her.  
  
Hermione rubbed her eyes and sat up in bed.  
  
"Hermione...i need to ask you something" he asked speaking the words slow and clearly.  
  
She knew what he was going to say, he wanted to her to be cured.............  
  
"No....i will not....its not worth it ..........not for you and your conscience." she snapped.  
  
"Hermione, please , not for me ,...for you" he begged. He wanted her to live he needed her to live .  
  
"Give it up Draco...its no use " she said.  
  
" Hermione ...i'm..i'm begging you" he said, sounding almost to tears.  
  
"NO...." she replied and stepped out of bed .  
  
Draco steped back and stood 5ft in front of her. Throwing away all his pride, he got down slowly on both knees.  
  
Hermione let out a small gasp " Draco " she whispered.  
  
Head down he said, " Hermione, I'm begging you please do it , there is no way i'm living without you. If you refuse, I'll remain here until you agree, its your choice, i hope its the right one."  
  
"Draco" she cried , she knelt down and threw her arms around him. " Draco i love you so much, I... didn't want to forget it ...i was afraid of forgetting you" tears poured down her cheeks. She wasen't crying because she was sad or happy , she ws hurting, the pain raced through her body and pierced into her heart.   
  
She fell in to his arms which circled around her in a warm embrace. " I'm here Hermione...and there's noway i'm leaving not even if you threw me out." He realised she had collasped but he didn't panick. He called for Mdm Profrey who slowly helped her up and assits her in drinking .  
  
"What did she say " she asked as Draco laid Hermione back down onto the bed.   
  
" She agreed " he replied.  
  
"Which spell" she questioned further.  
  
" She never said anything but i want her to go through with the "shared " spell you mentioned. I need to see " he answered as he sat onto a chair and held her hand close to him.." I need to know." 


	5. Invisibility

When Hermione opened her eyes she was greeted by a very happy Madam Pomfrey.  
  
"Oh thank heavens you're awake," she said  
  
Hermione smiled at her and said hello then she tried to sit up on the bed. Unfortunately, her entire body was still throbbing with ache so she surrendered and collapsed back down.  
  
"Your body is still weak Miss Granger you really need to just lie down and rest, Mr Malfoy should be back soon" she continued.  
  
"He didn't leave did he ?" she questioned.  
  
"No, Not at all he's just sat here all night, i was kind of worried he had not eaten anythin, and this morning he rushed out he said he needed to get you something and speak of the devil" she laughed as she saw Draco strolled in.  
  
"Hey girl your awake" he gently said as he walked over and sat on her bed. She stared into his eyes, the were warm not the usual cold emotionless ones. "Look what i got you" he lifted a small paper bag up inside was a box of strawberries. They were her favourite.  
  
" Oh thanks , erm...Draco about last night.." she stopped considering if she should continue.  
  
" You will do it right ? " he was beginning to worry... what if she refused ?  
  
" I..really...I...need...." she stuttered.  
  
Draco gently placed his finger on her lips and smiled, " I'm here remember" .  
  
She just nodded.  
  
" Wait Draco i know i'll forget all this , so i wrote a letter , a letter to myself, maybe i'll remember you....but i might not please forgive me if i don't i...." tears began to brim in her eyes, she was frightened you could tell.  
  
" I will never blame you Hermione ...never, now you remember that even if you don't remember me ." he pulled her into and hug they broke apart and he gently placed his lips on hers and embraced it with his , this would be their last kiss for this mememory  
  
" Herm..Herm" coughed Mdm   
  
"Shall we begin?" she asked  
  
They broke apart and looked up at her then to each other , the read each others eyes  
  
"Yes" they both repied in unision.  
  
Carefully handed her a vial of sleeping potion..." Draco.....i love you" and she slowly driffted of to sleep.  
  
Draco felt a cold hand grip at his heart, she wasen't going to remember all the times they have had, all he could do was hoped that she would survived......he didn't dare ask for her love.  
  
" Your turn Mr Malfoy" continued Mdm Promfrey as she ushered him neighbouring bed.  
  
In a gulp he drank the vile liquid, all he remembered was Mdm Promfrey muttering a spell befor he was engulfed into a world of darkness.  
  
* Dream*  
  
He found himself standing in a black room where he saw a little girl in a corner crying. He walked over and knelt down " Hey you..whats wrong?" she didn't answer him but looked up and starred staight pass him. Her face was like a porceline doll, her body so fragile, as though touching her would cause her to shatter. He hair was a brown mass of locks, her honey brown eyes filled with tears. He got up and turned around to see what she was staring at.  
  
As if on cue, the door flung open revealing the dark figure of a large man holding a beer bottle. " Where is it, girl?!" he shouted, eyes searching frantically around her room. She did not dare answer her drunken man whom she called her father. " I 've told you many times not to lie haven't i ?! " he roared. His eyes now landed on her. She burried her head into her arms as he approached her. " Its not here," she stuttered. " Your bloody mother has spolied you wrotten, after I'm done with you she'll get it ,"he said in his deep, deadly voice. He grasped her hair and jerked her head upwards, forcing her to meet his cold grey eyes. She gasped in fear. " Which after she'll be nowhere near to save you ever again?" he asked, knowingly. An evil smile crept onto his thin lips. Inwardly, she winced. She refused to answer him, out of anger, he picked her up and threw her to the ground. She lay on the damp floor, sobbing.   
  
Draco saw this and ran forward to stop the man , but to his suprise he ran right pass him.  
  
"No.." he muttered he turned and tried again but of no use.   
  
" Hermione..! " screamed a voice from the door. This made Draco turn back to the little girl. He was skocked and stunned, that young frail girl was Hermione,   
  
"No it couldn't be" he cried   
  
" You bastard what have you done to her " she cried, She was a lady who Draco presummed was her mother.   
  
He sniggered. She got on her knees and took the young girl into a hug. "What has he done...Hermione talk to me ?!" she whispered, "Mommy..." the girl mutterd before she fell unconciousness. " Don't you dare talk to me like that!" he said, eyes burning with fury. He raised his hand and slapped her right across her cheek, forcefully. The impact left her sprawled across the floor. " I've called the police, we're not taking your crap anymore." she said as she picked her daughter up, just then, police sirens were heard approaching. " You'll pay for this" he shouted before he dropped the bottle and ran out.  
  
Draco stood there dumbfouned. Was this the childhood that she was brought up in? But he seemed loving her "father" who he knew, seemed so loving and was most definilty not this man.  
  
He stood there and stared at the mother and child, his heart felt so painful , who knew she had grown up in a childhood just as bad as his.   
  
Suddenly, he felt a gush of wind and his body seemed to rise and blend with the moving air, the picture seemded to blur, and soon he found himself on a lonely street in London.  
  
He saw a young lady ...at least 9 years of age . Walking down the deserted street. Draco followed her to a little mobile home and followed her through the metal door.  
  
"Mommy..Mommy I'm home" she shouted just enough to echo through out the small metal junk.  
  
"Ah..Hermione, your back" smiled her mother as she hugged her daughter.  
  
"Mommy look what i bought for you, for your birthday" the young child exclaimed as she held up a small bag.  
  
The curious mother took the bag to hand and opened it carefully . Inside contained a small punnet of strawberries.  
  
"Hermione...where did you get the money from" her mother asked worriedly.  
  
"I..I've been saving, i know how much you love to eat them but we could never aford it so....anyway do u like it mommy ?" she asked as she beemed a cheeky smile.  
  
" Of course...i do " and she gave her a big kiss.  
  
Draco looked carefully at the scene before him. The two were poor yet happy. When he was young, money was everything, without money there was no happiness or so he thought. 


	6. Her sister

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters sadly do not be long to me although i would like to own Draco * grins evily *.......   
  
Author's Note: Sorry i haven't put that disclaimer thing in the previous chapters i kinda forgot...forgive moi.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Draco stirred 2 days later, his body ached from lying down all day . He turned to see Hermione still laying peacefully on the bed next to him.  
  
Mdm Profrey walked over and past him a glass of water. He took a sip and asked. " She won't remember will she?" he asked hoping her answer would be as he pleased. But Mdm Promfrey just shook her head disappointedly.   
  
" Tell me , vaguely, what will she remember?" he was curious to know, he also wanted to take things slow and not burry her with all she forgot.  
  
" Well, she'll remeber all the good and all the bad will just seemed very faint to faint for her to try and recall, but she won't remember who she loved thats for sure, the potion somehow reacts to feeling of love and which it presummes are bad thus erasing all of it leaving it as i had said faint." she expained  
  
"When will she awake" he asked once more.  
  
" Soon child...soon, be patient with time, be patient with her." she spoke softly and she slowly walked back to her desk at the end of the streched room.  
  
Draco got up from bed and pulled a chair down next to her with the letter in hand.  
  
" Hermione " he whispered to her as he gently swept the stray strands of her face . She responded to his touch but she did not wake up , a small smile just crept onto her face. He thought for a momment........if she wasent going to remember him how was he going to introduce himself , he had to start all over and start it right .  
  
He was lost in deep thought when he heard a muffled sound . He turned and looked at her as her eyes slowly fluttered open.  
  
" Hermione your awake." he whispred to her .  
  
" I am and may i know who u might be" she asked as she slowly sat up in bed.   
  
" You really don't remembr me do u .." he knew it was going to happen but he still felt somewhat disappointed.  
  
" I don't , do you know me , i seem to have a very vague mememory but i don't know..." she replied .  
  
She was all normal, there was no trace of sadness that she had 2 days ago. She was clamed and steady nothing seemed to be bothering her. At this point, he knew that the old Hermione was gone she was dead in a way .  
  
He didn't reply her but just turned and walked to look for Mdm Promfrey. His heart fell he knew that he shouldn't treat her like that but he felt as if he had lost her through and thorugh.   
  
" Mdm Profrey, Mdm Profrey, um..Hermione she's awake." he called out half heartedly.  
  
"Yes yes , i'm comming " she called back as she ushered him back to the beds.   
  
"Vous semblez très déçu." she whispered to him in french.  
  
" Il n'est pas elle," he replied " il est comme elle l'est totalement changé seemd comme si Hermione est mort et a été remplacé par elle "  
  
"Donnez-lui le temps jeune homme, " she comforted him.  
  
Hermione looked up at them, her eyes filled with utter confusion.  
  
" Mdm Promfrey" she asked " may i know of your conversation and who is he" she continued as she turned to look at Draco.  
  
Their eyes met for a momment, his searching for a sign that Hermione Granger the one he loved still resided is this new soul and her honey brown eyes opened liked a book that needed to be read.  
  
" This is Draco Malfoy, Miss Granger. A Professor in this school too just like you. He just started " she added.  
  
" Yes , Dumbledore did tell me." she replied   
  
" I shall leave you two alone to talk abit while i go check on my potions.  
  
_____________________________________  
  
"YOu don't remember me do you? " he asked  
  
She gently shook her head.  
  
" I have to leave" he insisted and got up. He couldn't take it this wasent Hermione , she was and empty shellf that another ' Hermit' had taken.  
  
" Wait !" she called out to him. " Remember what ..Dr..Draco" she asked.  
  
" I...I ...I will talke to you tomorrow ok?" he replied . He needed to shake her off, he needed to think.  
  
The letter, the letter he thought. Immediately he searched his robes for the letter but where was it . He put his hand into every single pocket but to no avail.  
  
The chair, he left it on the chair. Turning on his heels with one swift motion he ran back to infirmatry.  
  
______________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
Hermione sat there . Why did he run she thought, ha dshe said something wrong , had she done something wrong.  
  
"Mdm Promfrey, is he that cold." she asked.  
  
" Miss Granger, he is nothing but cold, he...he just " the words seem to remain in her throat . She just disappoitnedly shook her head.  
  
As she watched Mdm Promfrey turn and walk, she saw a letter on the chair that Draco had sat on earlier.   
  
To: Hermione Granger  
  
it wrote. She picked it up , since it was addressed clearly to her she opened it and read it .  
  
Dear Hermione,  
  
This is you, this is me . You're me , u've lost your memmory and won't remember alot so i'm just hoping this letter would remind us.  
  
I'm sure Draco gave you this letter. I'm not sure what his reaction is but i hope he will still love you. I loved him alot he means the world to me and i'm sure the world to him. He gave up our love for our survival and i am indeed very greatful but please Hermione give him time to change. HE may seem cold but i noe he loves u alot . Help him forget me and love the new us. This will be out little secret . I am your sister, your past, but make sure i am not his. Love him , comfort him and tell him u love him whenever u can , i'm sure u are just like me so together we'll change him.  
  
  
  
Your past   
  
Hermione.  
  
Hermione starred at it for a momment. She lost her memory, her past, Draco? These thoughts chased around her head. But none seemed to make sence. She need to find Draco , she needed to know everything. For once , she felt lost .  
  
Just as she reached the door, it opened and there stood Draco .  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
He ran and pushed the door opened . To his surprise Hermione stood infront of him. In hr hand, she held the letter.   
  
" You've read it " he muttered.  
  
" Draco, i'm not sure what this all means.." she whispered back .  
  
" You don't need to , she's gone." he voice began to shake .  
  
" Read it Draco...read it " she replied as she shoved the letter in to his hand .  
  
Slowly Draco read it this were her words, Hermione's words. He knew that he shouldn't ignore this new her but....  
  
" You don't understand..." he answered trying to shake her off.  
  
" I don't Draco, make me understand. You keep showing me and telling me how i do not understand . But your not helping me in anyway. " she shouted at him, as if attempting to wake him up mentaly.  
  
" I really don't want to talk about it ..." he spoke as if it were a chore.  
  
" You never will," she wanted to know how he felt, he seemed so distant.   
  
" Please , not now " he pleaded.   
  
" Tell me when you do i'll wait , I'm doing this for Hermione, your Hermione" she whispered.  
  
She spoke to him about herself as if she were someone else. She knew that he would not love her yet or maybe never.  
  
" Please , i know you might hate me now but i just need time to .......change, both of u are so different." he explianed.  
  
He knew he had hurt her bad but losing Hermione's past self was to much a blow.   
  
" I 'll leave u need you rest" he continued.  
  
She just quietly nodded and headed to her bed. 


	7. Did it matter

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters sadly do not be long to me although i would like to own Draco * grins evily *.......   
  
Author's Note: Sorry i haven't put that disclaimer thing in the previous chapters i kinda forgot...forgive moi.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
That night passed as if it were months. Hermione lay in bed thinking. Tears pelted on to her soft pillow. Why couldn't he accept her as a friend , she would never ask more, she wasen't even ready for more. What had Hermione done that made him love her so much to not even accept one that had merely forgotten about him or just becaused she behaved differetly because love was not yet there.  
  
' He probably even hates me for "taking" away his Hermione ' she thought through tears. She didn't want to try noe him anymore, he seemed so distant lost in his world of "her" ....Thoughts flooded her mind as she slowly fell into the night.  
  
_________________________________________________________________  
  
"Ahh Miss Granger, great to see you awake...i've got good news i must say"   
  
" Professor Dumbledor... what a surprise... " she replied shocked as she slowly sat up from bed . She had lied in bed the whole morning body to tired to get up and a head to heavy to think .   
  
" I'm glad to see your doin find and that u may return to your dormetry today...I think Mdm Profrey might be a bit fedup with having u here for soo long " he teased.  
  
" Did i hear my name " replied a voice from the end of the room. " Hermione had been a great and sucessful patient ." she replied with a warm smile.  
  
" Well u should get going breakfast will be served in an hour, wouldn't want to be late would you? " asked Dumbledor with a glint in his eye.  
  
"No...i'll get going see you there Professor.." she replied as she slowly got up and walked her way out.  
  
" You'll be ok?"   
  
" Yes i will"  
  
  
  
As soo as she was out of sight ...  
  
" How is he...."  
  
"O Professor it isn't good he's not taking it well at all"  
  
__________________________________________________  
  
Slowly step by step she made she made her way true the castle...she was far from ok..each stepp she made, pain raced through her veins .  
  
As she reached the portrait to her room she muttered the password.  
  
"blueberrymuffin"  
  
" Sorry dear..." the portrait hissed " thats not the password "  
  
" What do u mean this is the only password i noe" she objected.  
  
" The young master here has changed it... some kids have been trying to sneak in for answers for their test " it replied coldly.  
  
" Please .... u noe me ...I use to live here for a short while...i can't remember. ..." she muttered.   
  
" I do dear but ....i need the passssssword missss" it hissed again.  
  
" Nvm, i'll sit here and rest, tell me when the young master arrives will you " she replied as she sat down next to the portrait, she was too tired to figure it out.  
  
_________________________________________________________   
  
Draco had just returned from his morning qudditxh exercise. He saw Hermione slouched along the cold wall , her face filled with pain.  
  
He ran over to her. Why didn't she go in why did she just stay outside .  
  
" Ahhh Young Master, you have arrive, this young lady has been waiting for you for quiet some time" it spoke , voice filled with respect and slight tinge of fear.  
  
" Why didn't you let her in" he hissed at the portrait.  
  
" She..she did not have the password master....i was under ur orders to not let entry without the password." it replied with atmost fear.  
  
" Shit i forgot to tell her about the new password." he cursed. Slowly he picked her up, muttered the password and carried her inside.   
  
Hermione felt a pair of warm arms circle her , unintentialy, she snuggled closer to this unfamiliar warmth.   
  
Draco felt her wriggle abit , but instead of wriggling away, she moved closer to him. He saw a small simle on her face, and he smiled.  
  
Slowly he carried her up the staircase and into her room. Pulling the quilt away he laid her down, and pulled it back up.  
  
Just as he turned to leave, Hermione let out a ear piercing scream.  
  
Draco cringed at the piercing sound but ran to her side.  
  
" Hermione, Hermione..whats wrong , wake up" he spoke hurriedly....patience was smt he had lost long before.  
  
"Help ! Help!..somebody please help me " her loud voice had now fallen into a soft whisper. Tears fell from her eyes, he face contorted with pain and fear.  
  
Draco held her up and held her close to him whispering words of comfort into her ear...he thought he felt her calmed but she tensed up almost immediately. She was still in deep sleep sort of a unbreakable trance.  
  
He body still shaking though sobs.  
  
When she clamed, he laid her back on to the bed. He gently brushed her hair out of her face and starred at her sleeping form.   
  
But it him again, this wasent her......did it matter he thought once more. 


	8. A New Love

  
  
Disclaimer : I shall be no fool and claim this as my own...u get my point...

A/N : i kinda running down on ideas here so if u have any, drop a review and suggest smt.  
if i use ur idea i'll put ur name at the bottom of the page and dedicate it to u .  
and i found the almost perfect song for this fic.

Some say hearts   
Grow silent   
In a world where no one cares   
Love keep slipping away   
Some say time   
Is the healer   
But in a house where no one speaks   
love keep slipping away

Tell me   
Why do we fight when we know it's all wrong   
Why do we play that same old song   
Is it just because   
We're lonely   
  
Love me love me but don't be sorry  
Help me Chase the shawdows away  
Love me Love me When u've got nothing to say  
Say something anyway.

Some say tears   
Run dry but   
In my heart I've cried forever   
Only you can take it away

Tell me   
Why do we fight when we know it's all wrong   
Why can't we see what's going on   
Is it just because   
We're lonely

[chorous]

Anything to break the ice   
Anything at all   
Anything to break the ice   
Anything at all

Love me, love me   
But don't be sorry

[chorous]

* * *

Hermione woke the next morning eyes dry and tired. Her body ache from the slightest movement.  
Another day, another day of nothiness, that was all that she saw in this life.   
Why didn't the spell go wrong, maybe she would have died, now all she could do was suffer in silence,   
she didn't love him but some where deep down she could feel a faint flutter everytime she saw him and a tinge or loneliness everytime he left but

she just dismissed it as smt else, she knew she wasen't feeling it but in her unfound past that Hermione was.

She looked up and took in her surroundings, she was in her room, only,how did she get here, she clearly remembered falling against the fall and into

deep slumber. She got out of bed and put on her robe to keep her warm, the winter brezze chilled her to the very bone. She washed up changed into

her teachers robes and made her way to her office.

But as she opened the door a body fell infront of her. Draco, he had been sleeping outside of her room the whole night .  
The bump must have woken him up, cause when he opened his eyes, he saw hermione looking down awkardly at him.

" O..i must have dozed off..." he muttered as he got up.

"Well..i have to get going, i'll see you later, erm...Proffesor Malfoy." she replied as she made her way out the portrait.

'Proffessor Malfoy?' she never called him that before, why the sudden change. He turned and ran out the portrait.

"Hermione wait.." he called out .

Hermione spun round to see Draco running towards her.

She quickend her pace, she knew all he was going to say was that he was sorry , or how he could not love her...come on that was pratically the only

thing that striked a conversation between them.

" Hermione, please wait..." he called out once more.

But this time, She stopped.

" What is the matter Proffesor?" she asked clamly.

"O..er..i just wanted to ask how u were, u kind of just collasped outside" he hastly replied. He forgot what he wanted to say. Dam this was not

going right.

" I'm fine..thank you..i'm going for breakfast, would you like to join me" she asked casually as if there was no tension when it actually was fogging

over both of them.

"That would be great , i'll jus get changed and join u outside here in a sec" he replied as he ran back into the protrait and came out fresh 15mins

later.

"Lets go"

* * *

"Ahhh....Professor Granger, glad to have you back...You too Professor Malfoy, care to join me for a spot of breakfast...come come you must be

hungry, breakfast will begin in just about.......now" Professor dumbledore spoke and as he finished, their plates were piled with warm food.

"Wow..i haven't eaten like this for awhile " Hermione began.

"Well...nows your chance, time to dig in" Draco answered as he reached out forked a piece of chicken.

She looked at him and nodded reaching out for some food.

The meal was quiet silent and yet fufilling.   
Finshing , Hermione stood and asked to leave, Draco followed.

"Hermione...would you like to go for a walk" he asked .

"No..i..i have stuff to do" she replied trying to shrug of the question.

" O..O i see, well i'll be on my then" disappointedly he turned and walked.

She quietly walked back to her classroom to prepare for her classes in the afternoon.

* * *

That Night,

Draco paced around his room, accidentaly coming across a letter addressed to him, maybe he missed it this morning, but wait it seemed rather old

not particularly like a recently written letter.

He opened it

My Draco,  
  
I could not tell u this in person, i don't know why, i wonder when this would rest in your hands.  
Draco my love, i am ashamed of myself, sometimes i think, what had i done to deserve your love. I love you so much yet,  
i have not told u the truth, i hate myself. But now, you shall noe, u will hate me i understand, but please,   
never forget me .

I had never betrayed your love, that child, i am going to have, it is not yours. Its father shall not be put  
down to words as i cringed when i see or hear his name. I hated myself when i found out that i had smt that belonged to him  
living inside of me . I told you it was yours, as i refuse to kill it . How could i kill a child so inoccent , a child that had not asked to be brought into

this world.

I could never ask for ur forgiveness, just to love this child as your own, but if u don't i'll understand. I'm sorry Draco, i truely am...i have no

rite to let u love me, i am filth.....as u say filthy. Forgive me .

Hermione

( 17th September)

He stopped and stared this, this was written before she lost her memory. He wronged her completely, she never lied to him.  
He fell back onto his chair in shock. It was all his fault , she told him, she did , he just never noticed it , it was right there before his eyes yet he

missed it .

At that momment, he realised that he loved her still, he was lying to himself all this while, probably overcomed by all the lies he thought he had

been told. He needed to find her, tell her that he still loved her, whether she loved him or not . He just wanted to be sure he knew. He quickly wrote

her a note and got his owl to post it to her, then he turned on he dramaticaly turned on his heels and made his way out .

He was not going to sho her the letter or tell of its content , but only to tell her how much he still loved her...yes that was what he was going to do.

* * *

Hermione sat by the fire, the flames dancing in her eyes. He thoughts disturbed by a soft pecking at her window.

She turned to see a grey owl on the latch, she opened it and untied the letter taking it to hand, she let it rest on her owl stand near her.

Hermione,

I need to talk to you, would you meet me at the astronomy tower...ASAP i'll be there by the time u receive this letter. If you refuse to

come, send back a reply, i'll understand.

Draco.

She read it carefully, should she go...what did he wanted to tell her??  
She made up her mind and place the letter down turning away.

* * *

Slowly she pushed the door open,

" Draco.." she whispered to the darkness.

" You came.." he replied stepping out into the faint light.

She nodded as she closed the door.

"You wanted to talk.." she asked.

" Yeah...erm Hermione..i noe i haven't been on the right track lately, just got caught up i guess...i realise that though your different , your still

her...will you forgive me ..i...for treating your rather coldly....i'm such a bastard" he cursed.

"I never blamed you... blamed myself actually for not being able to help you....i guess i was afraid i might fall.." she stopped realising what she just

said.

" Fall....?" he questioned hopingly

" Nothing...really " she hurriedly replied , blushing tremendously at what she was about to say.

" Well, i never realised it until now that i still love you....but i guess thats just stupid cause u won't love me , u don't even know me ." ashamed he

began to walk out .

Hermione lost all herself in that momment...what did he say?? He loved her, he heart ached in realisation to what just happended, she was about to

let him walk away, she could give it chance, maybe , to try and love him, fufill her promise to her past, maybe she did love him...

Almost immediately she turned and ran after him....

" Draco wait..please " she shouted softly yet loud and clear.

He stopped in his tracks...was his mind playing tricks on him, he thought he had just heard hr call...nah...he began to walk but he was held back by

a pair of arms that circled around him.

" I wanted to tell you something Draco, I love you too, i was afraid to tell you..." she burried her face into his back as her tears fell gently down her

face .

Draco turned around and held her close to him, " I realised that its not whether u remembered me its whether i still loved you, and i still do and

will forever."

Hearing this, a small smile appeared on her pale lips, this was her first smile, her first smile that meant something.. it meant love.

The broke apart, he stared deeply into her tear filled eyes , using his tumb to rub away the pearls that had escaped from her eyes. Slowly, he brought

his lips to her , he kissed her gently embracing his lips with hers. She resisted at first by parted her lips that led in to a passionate kiss.

(That night, everything was perfect, i mean perfect ...even professor Snape decided to wash his hair :P )

A/N : so sorry i just had to add that.


	9. Eyes

Disclaimer...........don't own anything except plot.  
  
A/N: This chap mostly belongs to bewitchingwitch and me ...............cooli  
  
Months passed... none with them apart.A/N : ( i am bad at writing good nice lovey dovey stories, i absblutely love tragic so any tragic stories u send to moi to read k )  
  
Hermione stepped out from her dormarty that morning as she made her way to the great hall. She heard footstpes behind her but brushed it off as a studetnt late for class, what else could it be ???  
  
Before she could whip around, she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist. ' hm..Draco,' she thought, and smiled. Closing her eyes, she suddenly realised something. Wait. Draco went to Honeydukes with his students, this couldn't be him.  
  
" Did you miss me, love?" a very familiar voice said. She whipped around and seeing who it was, she screamed. It wasn't Draco. His foul breath made her gag as he pressed his lips onto her's for a bruissing kiss. That shut her up. He grabbed her by her waist and dragged her into an empty closet.  
  
She screamed into his lips but all that came out was a muffled cry. His hands vigeroulsy explored her body ripping of her clothes at the same time.She tried to push him of her but only in vain, his strong arms held her helplessly below him.  
  
Using a free hand, she tried to claw his hand off her body, to no avail. He grinned deeper and he tightened his grip even more, making her struggles more frantic.  
  
"Please No!..." she begged as tears began to flow unrestrainedly out of her eyes. "No....." He strength slowly left her   
  
He had dived towards her neck, his kisses were rough, she knew what was going to happen to her.  
  
When he entered her, she let out a cry of pain and anguish... mentaly she was lost , with no energy left, and him gone after his fufillment she fell unconsious.  
  
"Ok students, you have had your day and its back to your common rooms..... if there will be a next trip, the headmaster shall inform you....... that is all goodnight" Draco made sure that all had gone back to their dormatries before he returned to his.  
  
Only to find it empty.  
  
"Hermione...I'm back" he called out expecting a reply. " Hermione ? "   
  
Maybe she's asleep he thought as he made his way to her room. No one..... after checking all the rooms, he realised smt was wrong.  
  
It wasnt her day for duties, there was no detention....... where was she.  
  
As he stepped out from the portrait, he saw Dumbledore walking towards him.  
  
" Ahh.... headmaster have you seen Hermione? I can't seem to find her." he asked.  
  
"I'm afraid i have ..." he replied softly yet full of life.  
  
" What happened" something was wrong...... Dumbledore's tone of voice didn't seem very convincing.  
  
" She's been raped"  
  
"Don't touch me! " she cried as she ran to a corner and hid herslf there. Rocking herself....  
  
"Hush now my baby, be still love don't cry" she sang softly  
  
Memories came flooding into her head, a mixture of emotions rose each time one surfaced.  
  
Draco's heart broke when he saw her.   
  
"No..No stay away from me ........don't touch me!" she yelled desperately.  
  
"Hermione its me.......Draco.." he whispered hoping to gain her trust.  
  
She smiled to herself, eyes in a daze..." Draco....he's gone ....your not him." she shook her head negetively.  
  
"No...this is not happening" Draco muttered.  
  
" What do you mean Professor Malfoy" Dumbledore questioned.  
  
" The memories.......... she regained them .... she's not suppose too"  
  
"Hermione ...look at me " he asked her patiently.  
  
Slowly, Hermione rosed her head to look into his eyes.  
  
She stood there staring for awhile, Draco let her take her time.  
  
Within seconds, she led out a ear piersing scream and huddelled herself closer.  
  
"Those eyes..............." she whispered as she looked up again." Lusiuos has them too....he.....he" her tears ran down her pale face.  
  
Just a change of events, the colured had all gone....  
  
"Mr Malfoy, what does she mean....its all not making any scence." Dumbledore asked impatiently.  
  
" My father........its not her first time.......my father, he raped her before." 


	10. Coldness

He recalled the faithfull day he found her curled up in his father's room. Her body tainted with bruises, blood flowed freely from her wounds, he body trembling against the cold wall. He tried to approach her to comfort her , but his pressence only pushed her further away. His close resemblence to his father, he thought was what scared her.

It was until she fell asleep that he could hold her, slowly he had lifted her and brought her out of the mansion. When he saw how frail she was at that momment , he nearly turned weak, with pain.But as a malfoy , he had learned to have his emotions controlled.

He brought her away to Harry's house for him to look after her, but it didnt work, she wouldn't let anyone go near her. Time then was all she had to heal her, bit by bit, she would open up, starting by making people's pressence known to herself, but she wouldnt trust. Ginny had to be by herside constantly.

He was jealouse of ginny, to be able to be by herside, to be depended on by her, but this was all he could do..nothing more.

----------------------------------------

Dumbledore sat patiently by his side...

A malfoy, looking so close to tears, he had never seen. But he knew that Hermione had changed smt in him, smt that made him more human than anyone knew he could be.

He got up slowly and patted the young man's shoulder, "dont worry Draco,i promise you, we'll help her, not matter whaat it takes.  
But dont fall Draco, your all she has left , if you do tumble and fall, not even the most advance magic of the face of this earth will save her."

"Thank you"

Just then, a shattering sound came from behind, he turned to see Hermione throwing th glass of wather on the floor. Slowly she picked it up, as if admiring its beauty, she looked at it with intent,then holding it to her wrist.

" Hermione don't" Draco called out as he ran over and held it in time.

" Let go off me..." she cried , grasping another fragment.  
" Hermione no.. "he caught her this time but reciving a deep cut down his arm.

"Don't touch me ...i'm filthy" she snapped as she ran and hid herslef.

" i don't care how dirty your are Hermione.." he whispered." i dont"

" I do, " she sobbed. He slowly walked over to where she was. her hair a mess of curls, her face pale white.

"Go away Draco, go away..i don't deserve this, i don't desrve you." she muttered . " i want to go, away from this world..."

" Don't " he snapped .

' Don't what, " she asked.." she lifted her face and looked up at him, " don't go don't what, i know for certain you don't even love me "

" How can you say that Hermione..." he looked her with a mixture of sadness and confusion.

" you only love her, don't you, don't you, i've just been living in this world i thought i had..haha... it was really convicing, thanks Draco for everything, even if u didn't mean it , it mae me fell better." she scarcly made out the words , chokin on her tears.

" Thats not true... i love you, i really do," he retorted.

" You don't , remember at the start, you didn't even want to acknowledge me until you read her letter , her plea for me , and until you found the note" she replied.

" what note"

" The note she wrote you when she had the child, go away Draco please, i'm happy already."

Could what she had said be true, no.

Her face trembling with tears , his heart tremblin with hurt, how could she say those things.

" I thought you were different Hermione, i really did, i realised you're just as cold" he whispered. Slowly he got up and walked

" I love you Draco i really do " she whispered.

These words were carried to his ear by the silenece.

He ran back and placed himself infront of her"If you love me, why do this to me, to us, i've never regrettde loving you, i never will, i'm sorry if i made you feel as a subsitute or a replacement, i love you" he spoke as he borught her towaard him into his arms " i really do, and if you think that its not real and don't want to .."

"I want to , i just never believed it was real, i just hoped to have u long enough to have a life that had true love be part of it ," she muffled into his chest.

"Well, it is Hermione, it will never change , believe me .."

" I want to, i really want to "

" i promise you Hermione , eerything will be fine everythign will be alright, we just have to make it happen"

quietly she nodded. The room silence around them , when a love thought once to be lost had now shown itself. 


End file.
